I almost cried today...

Today was a rough day becuase today was the day it finally started to settle in that I have three months left in Oklahoma. People at church were asking me questions about TFA: do I know where I am going to be (I know the general region which would be the Mississippi Delta- either side of the river), when do I leave (I am moving my stuff down there over Memorial Day weekend but don't report for training until June), how long will I be gone (it is a two year commitment but if I really like teaching and the area, I might stick around longer), why am I leaving (becuase I feel God has called me to teach in the Delta and I need to obey Him), and those type of questions. Each time it gets mentioned, I realize how soon it is coming up. There is still so much I want to do before I leave, so many people I want to get in touch with, and I am not quite ready to leave. This evening I was starting to work on the photo powerpoint for my two's at the pre-k. More sad times. I am going to be leaving them and they won't even remember Miss Liz. Bummer. Anyway, I didn't break down yet. But if this is how I am feeling now...imagine me in a month. And I am sure I am going to be a wreck in May. I am so excited for this opportunity, but it will be hard to say good bye to Oklahoma.

I was planning on doing a sequel to the who am I post. I might just make an attachment to this post. I was in my evaluation with Miss Sandy (that would be the pre-k NOT the DNA place or RR) and she had some very insightful comments. One of them was on my positive attitude...which I think I usually am expressing. However, I know there are times where that positive attitude vanishes. I need to work on having that same attitude all the time. Not just when I have had enough sleep, got a phone call from home or a friend, or I have a moment to catch my breath. I want to have that same kind of attitude when I have exploding diapers at the pre-k, broken instruments at the lab, rude guests and demanding servers at RR. To do that I need to take my focus off the circumstances and gaze at my Father. How can I yell at other drivers, lose my patience with the little ones (or not so little ones) driving me crazy when I am gazing at the face of Love?

Another comment was that I am very giving, but that I need to be careful to not let anyone take advantage of that generosity with my time, talents, or money. Right on Miss Sandy. It is true that I have a hard time saying NO. Sure, I can babysit for you after a double at Red Robin. No, I don't mind organizing the event. Yup, I will definately pick up your shift. I guess I could make it work to drive down there and drop it off. Sure, I don't mind picking that up for you. I would love to help you with your homework instead of doing my own. I would love to come in early on Saturday and make sure someone else can open. No, I don't mind wiping down tables for you. I would love to make the bleach water. Sure, I can supervise three kids in the bathroom and change a diaper. And clean up the mess that two of them will undoubtedly leave in said bathroom. Of course I can take off work to organize an egg hunt. It isn't like I need to save up money for the big move. I am going work this next month on saying no. I'll say it politely but firmly. "No, I really don't want to go driving. I would like to sleep." "No, I don't want to come in early." We'll see how this goes. I will update you all in a month and we'll see how I have done.

So I have been watching Bridget Jones and Bridget Jones 2. Probably not the most Elizabeth-approved movies as far as language and content. But there are a few redeeming nuggets (not that they make the rest of it ok).

Colin Firth is amazing. Colin Firth and Hugh Grant are incredible. And Colin Firth, Hugh Grant, and Jane Austen? FANTABOULOUS!

I love seeing how the idea that relationships aren't perfect is shown. I love how Darcy keeps saying he loves Bridget just as she is. Of course for her, that means he loves her smoking, drinking, and word vomit. And the fact that she has a tendancy to embarrass him. And she in turn loves him despite his pompus ways and his christmas jumpers (sweaters). For me that means that maybe someday I'll find someone who loves me just as I am. Unmade bed, inability to cook, random inability to be coherant, long phone messages and all.

Just becuase they love each other doesn't mean that they don't drive one another crazy, struggle with communication, or offend. But they have the choice to stick it out and trust each other or they can choose to walk away. I don't have much experience in real life with this, but I bet the same thing shows up off screen.

The fight scenes between Darcy (Firth) and Cleaver (Grant) are so funny. But the reality in life is that there isn't always a Darcy to fight off the Cleavers. Sometimes I need to stand up for myself. And sometimes there are Darcys in this world, but like Bridget, I don't always recognize them.

Who I am...

Sometimes I wonder who I am and what makes me unique. Usually this stage of identity crisis rears its ugly head whenever I have to fill out some "About me" section on MySpace, Facebook, or when I have to answer the usual questions about what I enjoy, what I want to do with my life, etc whenever I meet someone new. I pull out some lame response that suffices for the moment, but that really doesn't do me any good in the long run. So tonight I have been pondering this and have decided to dedicate my next few posts to figuring out what makes me tick and defining the qualities that make me uniquely ME. Probably it will be entirely too boring for you. But I don't really care. Sorry! ;)

So where to begin? I have always heard that you can tell what a person values by how they spend their time. So we'll start there. Right now I work at three jobs, racking up 70ish hours a week which might indicate workaholic tendencies. But if you look closer at where I am working, that might say a bit more. The preschool. I work there 18 hours a week in the two year old room. This job pays the least, but I honestly love it. The children are such joys, even when they aren't perfectly well behaved. In fact, I prefer it when they aren't perfect. Today Kyle was running away when it was time for diaper changes and so I had to go fetch him. He screamed for his pal Gabe to save him. And Gabe tried. He grabbed my leg. But he was unaware that since he is two and I am 22.6ish, and that I am probably 3 feet plus taller, and maybe just a few pounds heavier, I will always win. This job has helped me discover my how much I enjoy little kids and also how important good coworkers are to me. The ladies at the prek are so encouraging, supporting, and fun. Ah the times laughing....However, I have also found that I have a few weaknesses. I know gasp right? That will get mentioned in another post I think. I know I could do a whole post on that....

Red Robin...Ah, how do I describe Red Robin? I started working there as a hostess this May when I needed a job after leaving the dorms for good. I have been there since and only turned in my two weeks notice once. (I have since withdrawn that resignation.) I have promised myself over and over that I would not work in food. I am working in food right now. You would think the job is really not all that hard, say hi to people who come in the door, figure out how many are in the party, and then stick them somewhere in the resturant. Well, it is slightly more complicated than that, but it isn't bad becuase I don't really deal with food. I really enjoy seeing the looks on the kids faces when you make a special ballon for them, or when you are able to make someone's visit very special. I hate when we go on wait. I am not patient. So I have a hard time asking other people to be patient. When I started, I was very quiet, very focused on following rules and such to the T. Now...I am more interested in making sure that Red Robin has improved in some manner before I leave. So sometimes that means confronting certain people (manager, TM) to get it done. Ever since I turned in my two weeks, I have felt so much more comfortable there. Now that they know that I can and will walk if I feel I am not being respected.

And finally the DNA Lab. which I have titled "Elizabeth's DNA Place." To be honest, I was really rather disappointed when I found out I was going there for my internship this fall, but it has been an amazing opportunity that turned into a job! 30ish hours a week, five days a week. I am a lab tech who puts samples in tubes, isolates the samples, PCRs the DNA (in layman's terms I multiply the DNA), and finally prepping and loading a plate in the genetic analyzer. Very different from my other jobs: no families, no kids...more mental work than any of the other jobs. But I actually like the academic/mental challenge. And the other lab techs are pretty much amazing. I like having them around.

Ok post one is done. I am tired and need to check a few other sites. Then off to bed.

Thoughts late at night...

I am tired but not sleepy, so I am watching some movie with baseball and Drew Barrymore until I get sleepy. My brain is still running 70mph though. Today, well this whole week really, has thrown me off kilter and my head just keeps going over things. Some things are important, some things are trivial, and some are even less than trivial.

I think about the developments in the presidential race. Edwards is out. Mitt Romney is out. McCain pretty much has the Republican nomination. I respect him for a lot of his positions and for the record of his service. Obama...hmmm. I don't know all of his positions but I still admire his stand. I could see myself voting Democratic (gasp!) if he got the nomination and he matched up more with my concerns and values than McCain. Clinton? Hmm. I am sorry but anyone who can't be responsible with money to make sure they can pay their employees, probably won't be getting my vote. If you can manage your campaign budget, there is no way I would put you near the national budget. Sorry.

Sometimes I want to smack people upside the head. I need to be a little careful of how I phrase this. But why would anyone be so worried about the bottom line that they would discourage young people from having the chance to do something important? Something that could really make a difference in their lives? Vote no to you. You make sure that those close to you are covered, are able to take advantage of opportunities, and then everyone else, who cares?

I wonder if the corps members in the Delta area are ok.

I want to know where I stand in life. That would be great. I know this is wierd, but I wish I took more chances with my life. I wish I put myself out there more. Of course that would also mean I would probably have been hurt more, but I think my sheltered heart is dying. And I can't even tell because it is numb. Sad day.

Midnight. I really really should be in bed. Check facebook once more, shut down the computer. Crash. Sounds like a good to-do list. That's all for now. Night all.